It took me a while to think of a title for this blog post, so I hope what I’ve gone with makes sense. Put simply, I’m writing about how I’m already worried about how sad I’ll be when I come home from holidays… even though I still have more than two weeks left to enjoy.
Even typing that makes me feel a bit silly, but surely I can’t be the only one? I often find myself dreading when good times and big occasions that I’ve been looking forward to for ages come closer because then, in my head, that means they’ll be over soon too.
I try my best to be mindful and enjoy the moment, but I can’t help but hear this tiny voice at the back of my head telling me it will all be over soon.
For context, and in case you’re new around here, I’m currently on a month-long trip of the United States with my boyfriend. We’ve been to New York, we’re leaving San Fransisco tomorrow and we’re then heading to Los Angeles and San Diego for about two weeks in total.
It’s the trip of a lifetime, but yet even when we were in New York sitting on a rooftop bar after seeing a Broadway show, I felt like the moments were slipping away from me and with each minute or hour that passed, it was bringing us closer to the trip being over.
I worry about when the trip is over and when we get home. I know I’ll be delighted to see my family, my friends and my own bed, of course, but I also know I’ll be heartbroken that the thing we’ve looked forward to so much for nine months is over.
Having this holiday on the horizon motivated me to save money, look after my body and truthfully, on the dark days it was a pretty big part of what kept me going. Knowing that I had something to look forward to was a little golden nugget that I clutched on to whenever I was feeling down, anxious or stressed. While I have no idea what the future holds, knowing I had this trip to look forward to was one stable landmark I knew I could expect and depend on.
I’ve always gotten pretty bad post-holiday-blues, but these premature post-holiday-blues are pretty new to me. What makes them even more annoying is that I know that each second I spend giving attention to them is a second taken away from enjoying the present moment.
While having something to look forward to can be the light at the end of the tunnel we all need sometimes, I’ve come to learn that it shouldn’t be the only light.
Maybe I sound ridiculous, but I really do hope that this might be relatable on some level. For now, I’m trying to remind myself that there’s plenty of things to enjoy and appreciate in my life at home, and a holiday being over isn’t the be-all and end-all.
As for the next two weeks, I’m going to try my very best to focus my attention on being present and grateful for exactly where I am and soaking up every enjoyable moment, rather than giving my energy to my worries about the future.
You might not be able to stop time, but you certainly can decide how to spend yours.
Now I’m off to eat a burger, drink some beer and enjoy our last night in San Fran.