I’ve written about my hair quite a lot, haven’t I? From getting my extensions out and cutting it short, to getting them back in and having hair down to my waist, to saying I’ll never be without extensions again.
So you might wonder why I cut my hair up to my shoulders a few weeks ago. I still have extensions in for thickness (and plan to always have extensions for that reason), but it’s the first time I’ve had short-ish, thick hair.
I’m not going to lie, in the weeks before I went for the chop, my nerves were gone. I posted a few Instagram polls, watched YouTube videos and looked at Pinterest to convince myself I’d made the right decision. I had hyped myself up and was ready to go to the hairdressers… until the snow came and I had to cancel my appointment for another week.
The suspense was killing me. After asking my friends and family for reassurance and if I’d made the ‘right decision’ more times than I’d like to admit, the next week, I went in.
I showed the hair stylist a picture of what I was looking for (the gorgeous Emma Hill’s cut from last autumn) and braced myself for the snipping to begin.
To someone who has never had long hair, this might sound like an over reaction. But in my case, it wasn’t at all.
Because aside from wanting a change and being a bit sick of having ridiculously long hair, there was an underlying reason why I wanted to get the chop.
I wanted to prove to myself that my beauty and confidence isn’t defined by the length of my hair. I’m quite insecure about the thinness of my hair, but I didn’t want my confidence to be tied to how many inches my hair went past my shoulders.
And honestly, that’s why I got it cut. I wanted to prove to myself that I could still be beautiful and feel confident in how I look, no matter my hair length. I long considered the ‘prettiest’ thing about me to be my long hair, and I hated how much of a hold it had over me. So in an effort to combat that, I chopped it off inch by inch.
At first, I was a bit terrified by how short my hair was. The photos in this post are from about two weeks after I got it cut. It was a bit shorter than I had hoped, to be honest, but day by day I got used to it. I did question if I made the right decision, but I eventually realised that I don’t need long hair to feel good about myself.
I realised that I can feel good about myself with both long and short hair, and know that I’m not defined by it any more.
Now, two months later, my hair is a length I’m really happy with. It’s a few inches past my shoulders, and I feel like I’ve really gotten the hang of styling it and feeling good about it.
For so long, I hid underneath my long hair like a mask. No matter how shit I felt about myself, my long hair always made me feel a bit better. Like a comfort blanket, really.
But since cutting it short, I now know I can feel good about myself in ways that aren’t connected to my hair. I know now more than ever that it’s our personality that makes us beautiful, not our outward appearance. I know that my hair can’t hide how I feel about myself, and that it’s important to work on other parts of myself too, like my mental health, diet and exercise.
Not to forget the power of a killer outfit. Since cutting my hair, I’ve tried to step outside my style comfort zone even more, and I’m loving it.
Contrary to what I believed about myself for a long time, confidence comes from a collection of small things that add up to form an unbreakable attitude. It doesn’t come from just one thing, like hair. From how I walk, to who I spend my time with and being sure that I’m living my life to the best of my ability and learning each day – that’s where confidence really lies.
At the end of this month, I’m due to get a new set of extensions in. As of now, I plan to get them in but keep them mid-length, like my hair is now. But who knows, I might change my mind and decide to go for the Rapunzel look once again. Either way, I know that I can feel confident in myself no matter what decision I make. And I’m pretty confident about that.